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Corona quarantine diary
投稿者: Mervyn Henderson

Chris S  Identity Verified
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💉💉 Mar 13

Got the call for the vaccine today.

Say what you like about Brexit but who got all the vaccines, eh? Yeah, go swivel with the Third World all you euro losers.

I hear ProZ have done a deal with Bill Gates, and I will be implanted with a special DNA-altering chip which will turn me into a two-cent bottom-feeder controlled remotely by Andrew Morris himself. Grab your seatbelts, boys and girls, it’s going to be a helluva ride.


Mervyn Henderson
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Matthias Brombach
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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Go swivel Mar 13

That's a new one on me. Sounds quite good.

Didn't the Oxford vaccine screw up? I thought I heard that.


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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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1st Corona Quarantine Diary Anniversary Webinar Mar 14

Don't forget to sign up for the celebrations of twelve gloriously miserable months of Covid as recorded by you and me in these scribblings.

Very few places left, literally down to the hundreds now, so send me your 10 US dollars as fast as you can. Women get a 10% discount in due consideration of IWD Day last week. You may call this shameful opportunism if you wish, but I call it desperation. So the ladies need only send 8 US dollars. Children and pets, half-price, so that's 6 US dol
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Don't forget to sign up for the celebrations of twelve gloriously miserable months of Covid as recorded by you and me in these scribblings.

Very few places left, literally down to the hundreds now, so send me your 10 US dollars as fast as you can. Women get a 10% discount in due consideration of IWD Day last week. You may call this shameful opportunism if you wish, but I call it desperation. So the ladies need only send 8 US dollars. Children and pets, half-price, so that's 6 US dollars each.

Some of those who have already put their names down have been kind enough to send in their comments ahead of the event:

M.H., Bilbao: "I think this is a Splendid Initiative, and I would like to express my Heartfelt Thank's to the OP for spreading the Covid Love all around.

T.I.L., London: "Initially I thought it was a daft idea, the kind of thing you might expect from trolls and wreckers, but on reflection I now realise it gives me the perfect opportunity for a good old honest-to-God gripe. I mean, have you seen the preceding comment? - absolutely no need whatsoever for those initial caps, with the exception of Covid, and ... an apostrophe in "thanks"? Really? Really. Where were these people born? In a field? I look forward to meeting you all virtually on Monday, but by God you'd better watch your Ps and Qs, or know the reason why.

[Edited at 2021-03-14 10:43 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-03-14 10:56 GMT]
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Chris S
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Wolfgang Schoene  Identity Verified
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You cheat... Mar 14

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

Don't forget to sign up for the celebrations of twelve gloriously miserable months of Covid as recorded by you and me in these scribblings.

Very few places left, literally down to the hundreds now, so send me your 10 US dollars as fast as you can. Women get a 10% discount in due consideration of IWD Day last week. You may call this shameful opportunism if you wish, but I call it desperation. So the ladies need only send 8 US dollars. Children and pets, half-price, so that's 6 US dollars each.


Children and pets, half-price... 6 $ ???

[Edited at 2021-03-14 11:11 GMT]


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Matthias Brombach  Identity Verified
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Be careful ... Mar 14

Chris S wrote:

Say what you like about Brexit but who got all the vaccines, eh?

... what vaccine exactly they inject there in Wales: Rumors say, that some vaccines only contain the virus itself and the success of these vaccines rests on the fact, that you survive it or not. If you survive, then you are protected against Covid and need no second shot.

[Bearbeitet am 2021-03-14 11:31 GMT]


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Mervyn Henderson
Chris S
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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Irish vaccine Mar 14

This just in:

A government-funded research team at an Irish pharmaceutical company has spent the last year working on a vaccine, presented in Dublin on Friday. The company CEO was keen to point out the originality of the new drug, which he claimed was "ground-breaking" and "110% innovative".

When asked about its percentage effectiveness compared to AstraZeneca, Moderna and Pfizer during an informal press conference held at the bar of the city's Laughing Leprechaun pub,
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This just in:

A government-funded research team at an Irish pharmaceutical company has spent the last year working on a vaccine, presented in Dublin on Friday. The company CEO was keen to point out the originality of the new drug, which he claimed was "ground-breaking" and "110% innovative".

When asked about its percentage effectiveness compared to AstraZeneca, Moderna and Pfizer during an informal press conference held at the bar of the city's Laughing Leprechaun pub, he finished off a pint of Guinness, set the empty glass down on the coaster, and said triumphantly: "Oh no, this isn't a Covid vaccine. This is a vaccine for which there is no known disease as yet. But we have every confidence that some day there will be. That's what we call keeping ahead of developments. The Celtic Tiger goes from strength to strength ... same again, Barney!"

[Edited at 2021-03-14 12:27 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-03-14 12:34 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-03-14 12:39 GMT]
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A full year of Covid-19 - one man's tale Mar 15

Tributes have been trickling in all morning for the man some are hailing as the “Chronicler of the Danger that Lurks Without”, “the 21st century’s answer to Samuel Pepys”, or the “Latter-Day Adrian Mole”.

“Was it only twelve months ago to the very day that this all started?” mused the diarist earlier today, hot tears rolling down his cheeks and into the foam. He gazed unseeingly into the mirror and edged the Gillette carefully down one side of his face. “I used t
... See more
Tributes have been trickling in all morning for the man some are hailing as the “Chronicler of the Danger that Lurks Without”, “the 21st century’s answer to Samuel Pepys”, or the “Latter-Day Adrian Mole”.

“Was it only twelve months ago to the very day that this all started?” mused the diarist earlier today, hot tears rolling down his cheeks and into the foam. He gazed unseeingly into the mirror and edged the Gillette carefully down one side of his face. “I used to hate shaving,” he explained to an eerily silent bathroom in Bilbao, “but now when I do it every four or five days, I realise what a luxury it is. I don’t even curse when I cut myself, I laugh,” he shrugged sadly, drawing the razor across his jaw bone. “It’s a wry, bitter, strangled laugh, but a laugh nonethe- oh, bollocks … I’ve done it again, look at that, hahahahahahahaha – haha, haha, ha. Ha. Ha. Bollocks ...”


[Edited at 2021-03-15 06:57 GMT]
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Chris S
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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That Corona Quarantine Diary Anniversary Webinar Mar 15

(Isn’t it fascinating the way we can just string a load of nouns together one after the other, all of them acting as adjectives, except for the last, without any need for endless “OF”s?)

Anyway, here’s the lineup for today’s fantasy webinar. See if you can work out who the guest speaker is!:


11:00 – “IWM - poetry in the kitchen” - "We IWMs need a break from sultry, sexy stories of smooching in smoke-filled Soviet boudoirs too, I can tell you. Nige
... See more
(Isn’t it fascinating the way we can just string a load of nouns together one after the other, all of them acting as adjectives, except for the last, without any need for endless “OF”s?)

Anyway, here’s the lineup for today’s fantasy webinar. See if you can work out who the guest speaker is!:


11:00 – “IWM - poetry in the kitchen” - "We IWMs need a break from sultry, sexy stories of smooching in smoke-filled Soviet boudoirs too, I can tell you. Nigella Lawson is my goddess, and I’ll be revealing a few of her culinary secrets I’ve crafted into my own delicious, tasty poetry and songs.”

12:00 – “All we need is just a little patience” - This contributor cites the Guns and Roses song as his maxim: “Count to ten before you do anything at all. I repeat, count to ten. If you even can count up to ten, that is. Tell yourself that other people’s opinions matter too. It helps prevent unprovoked attacks. I know it’s an effort, but it certainly rules out any need for an unpleasant Level 10.”

13:00 – “Neighbours from hell” – Goose-steppers whooping it up next door? Drugs and violence on the daily menu? Our man in Germany offers a few helpful hints on how to deal with it ...

14:00 – “Spreading the lurv during lockdown” – Met that special someone in these troubling times? Our man gives us some pointers on how to get around the restrictions and engage. “Except you’ll need a case of Radox bath salts afterwards!” he warns, somewhat cryptically.

15:00 – “Citrus King” – this speaker explains why a certain orange is the world’s best: “Torres Oranges. Once you’ve had one, you'll find you can’t stop. You have to buy them again. And again. And again. And again. Even if you don’t want to. Torres Oranges. Go out and buy them now. Right now. We’ll be with you every step of the way. We’re watching you, moosh. Torres Oranges.”


[Edited at 2021-03-15 07:51 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-03-15 07:59 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-03-15 08:00 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-03-15 12:43 GMT]
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Chris S
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Matthias Brombach
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Chris S  Identity Verified
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Eskerrik asko Mar 15

Thank you Mervyn for keeping us entertained for the past year with your tales, real and not so real, and inspiring all the other contributors here too. I think you deserve an OBE (or some equivalent that isn’t dripping with the blood of a million slaves).

I would continue with a general eulogy about all of you amazing linguists but I need to press on with this job from the German Gift Horse if I’m going to make the webinar.


P.L.F.Persio
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P.L.F.Persio  Identity Verified
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Happy Diary Anniversary! Mar 15

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

(Isn’t it fascinating the way we can just string a load of nouns together one after the other, all of them acting as adjectives, except for the last, without any need for endless “OF”s?)



Well, yes, if your native language is English. In Italian, you should use 4 prepositions, 3 of which "DI". Why can't we just go back to the functional, fusional, funky rationality of Latin?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready for the webinar.

Best wishes to all of us, especially to those living in a still strict lockdown.

Mervyn, thank you for this wild ride.

[Edited at 2021-03-15 08:32 GMT]


Matthias Brombach
Chris S
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Matthias Brombach  Identity Verified
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Congrats from my (ex) neighbours too ... Mar 15

... although they still insist that (quote) "Covid does not exist at all but is an invention from people, who today run their own country in the Middle East and who are filthy rich and who want to slave us all down together with Bill Gates, Proz and SDL and Torres Oranges" and what you have and I still wonder, where they got my phone number from, but I will have found that out before 13 o'clock CET, when it's my turn to tell the addresses of some Hördy Gördy-hobby pilots, who would love to tak... See more
... although they still insist that (quote) "Covid does not exist at all but is an invention from people, who today run their own country in the Middle East and who are filthy rich and who want to slave us all down together with Bill Gates, Proz and SDL and Torres Oranges" and what you have and I still wonder, where they got my phone number from, but I will have found that out before 13 o'clock CET, when it's my turn to tell the addresses of some Hördy Gördy-hobby pilots, who would love to take care of the goose-stepping neighbours ...

[Bearbeitet am 2021-03-15 09:47 GMT]
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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Thanks a lot Mar 15

Thanks, but it was a combined effort from day one!

I'll be back later with a few comments on some of the talks, but I’m sure you’ll all join me in thanking PLF Portia Persio – goodness, how many Ps do you need? – for that kitchen poetry stint in the 11 am slot just now. I particularly liked the way she made “Rainbow Pavlova” rhyme with “Martina Navratilova”.

[Edited at 2021-03-15 11:19 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-03-15 11:19 GMT]


Chris S
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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The 12:00 slot Mar 15

And congratulations to Tom for his solid musings not long ago on “restraint and how to ration the levels”. One phrase that sticks in my mind is “patience is a virtue, so be patient as you scroll down until you find a post that really deserves the most punishing of putdowns”. Tom likes nothing better than to “root out, unmask and destroy trolls” – “I suppose you could say I’m a kind of modern-day Billy Goat Gruff,” he chortles.

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P.L.F.Persio  Identity Verified
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Pedants' Corner, or ... Mar 15

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

Thanks, but it was a combined effort from day one!

I'll be back later with a few comments on some of the talks, but I’m sure you’ll all join me in thanking PLF Portia Persio – goodness, how many Ps do you need? – for that kitchen poetry stint in the 11 am slot just now. I particularly liked the way she made “Rainbow Pavlova” rhyme with “Martina Navratilova”.



... Portia's Pearls of Precision – as I think it should be alliteratively called – because you can't ever have enough Ps, it's good for your kidneys too.

That rhyme was particularly challenging for me because, despite Pavlova being a heavenly dessert, gifted to us by our friends from Australia or, possibly, New Zealand, it comes from the feminine form of the Russian surname Pavlov, where the stress is on the first syllable.
I don't know Czech, but I think they stress their words on the first syllable, therefore Navratilova becomes even more of a mouthful than it already is. (Sorry, Ms Martina, my name is even more of a mouthful than yours, anyway.)

To cut a long, and convoluted, story short, I ended up following the English stresses:

A meal with no dessert
It's like a rainless desert:
We know it's normal, d'uh!,
But still it makes it blaargh.

I dreamt of an oasis
Of custard cream and sugar,
Of candy and marshmallow,
And so I ate my pillow.

Let's it hear for Pavlova,
A most exquisite treat.
Just like Navratilova
It wins all the Grand Slams.


Mervyn Henderson
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Words ... Mar 15

... fail me.

Wow and double-wow, PLF Portia Persio. Touché and double touché!!!!! Talk about taking up the ball and running with it. Fine off-the-cuff stuff there.


Chris S
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