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Is this sentence grammatically correct? 投稿者: jyuan_us
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jyuan_us 
米国
Local time: 07:29
2005に入会
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TOPIC STARTER | Thank you, Tom | Feb 11, 2019 |
Tom in London wrote:
This is commercial copy that someone worked hard on. You may not LIKE commercial copy but that's a whole nother thing.
[Edited at 2019-02-11 11:50 GMT]
A great perspective.
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jyuan_us
米国
Local time: 07:29
2005に入会
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TOPIC STARTER
Axel Kirch wrote:
a) The product lacks X regarding elegance.
b) The product [more than] makes up for X relying on under-the-hood hardware.
c) Readers are suggested to consider themselves fortunate due to b)
A very clear analysis.
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| Standard phrasing | Feb 11, 2019 |
Your paraphrasing sounded very clunky to me, so I did a Google search for "what it lacks in" + "it makes up for." It reports many examples of how this expression is used, and generally the original order used in your example is preferred. (On the first page at least, comma use is 50-50.) However, there are a couple of comments on how and why the order can be reversed.
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jyuan_us
米国
Local time: 07:29
2005に入会
英語 から 中国語
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TOPIC STARTER | I was not saying the paraphrasing was better than the original sentence | Feb 11, 2019 |
Jessica Noyes wrote:
Your paraphrasing sounded very clunky to me, so I did a Google search for "what it lacks in" + "it makes up for." It reports many examples of how this expression is used, and generally the original order used in your example is preferred. (On the first page at least, comma use is 50-50.) However, there are a couple of comments on how and why the order can be reversed.
I used paraphrasing to better understand the structure of the original sentence.
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jyuan_us
米国
Local time: 07:29
2005に入会
英語 から 中国語
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TOPIC STARTER | What I have learned so far | Feb 11, 2019 |
Thank you everybody for your comments.
This is what I have taken home from reading your posts:
"What the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 lacks in elegance" as the object of "makes up for" was placed before the subject "it" in order to catch the reader's attention. By doing this, the author was trying to create some impact/effect.
By the way, a non-native speaker would have written the whole thing this way:
"Fortunately for you, what the 12.5-inch Latit... See more Thank you everybody for your comments.
This is what I have taken home from reading your posts:
"What the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 lacks in elegance" as the object of "makes up for" was placed before the subject "it" in order to catch the reader's attention. By doing this, the author was trying to create some impact/effect.
By the way, a non-native speaker would have written the whole thing this way:
"Fortunately for you, what the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 lacks in elegance has been more than made up for with its under-the-hood hardware".
[Edited at 2019-02-11 16:26 GMT] ▲ Collapse
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Grammatically correct it may be, but the sentence is rubbish IMHO. The most important information should come first, and not as compensation for some problem with what you're trying to flog.
As for 'Fortunately for you', it makes my flesh crawl. As do unnecessary 3-word compound adjectives!
I'd get rid of some words and say something like,
'The hardware the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 boasts under its hood more than makes up for its chunky design'.
Commas... See more Grammatically correct it may be, but the sentence is rubbish IMHO. The most important information should come first, and not as compensation for some problem with what you're trying to flog.
As for 'Fortunately for you', it makes my flesh crawl. As do unnecessary 3-word compound adjectives!
I'd get rid of some words and say something like,
'The hardware the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 boasts under its hood more than makes up for its chunky design'.
Commas are pretty subjective, I probably use them more than some others would. ▲ Collapse
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Richard Purdom wrote:
Grammatically correct it may be, but the sentence is rubbish IMHO. The most important information should come first, and not as compensation for some problem with what you're trying to flog.
But this is a review, not a sales pitch. The bit at the start of the sentence is there because it follows on from the bit in the previous sentence on design.
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Tom in London wrote:
NO! There should not be a comma after 'elegance' !!!
Why not?
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Chris S wrote: Tom in London wrote:
NO! There should not be a comma after 'elegance' !!! Why not?
It's explained in my post - which apparently you didn't finish reading.
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| Here we go again | Feb 12, 2019 |
Tom in London wrote:
It's explained in my post - which apparently you didn't finish reading.
I did. Given your shouted "NO", I thought it must be some concrete rule rather than a personal stylistic preference.
There is a clear case for a comma here to help the reader, which is the purpose of commas, and I don't think it interrupts the flow at all.
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Chris S wrote: Tom in London wrote:
It's explained in my post - which apparently you didn't finish reading. I did. Given your shouted "NO", I thought it must be some concrete rule rather than a personal stylistic preference. There is a clear case for a comma here to help the reader, which is the purpose of commas, and I don't think it interrupts the flow at all.
Then why did the writer of the text not put a comma there? I assume you know that commercial copy is always checked many times before it's published.
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Tom in London wrote:
Then why did the writer of the text not put a comma there?
Personal preference. Publisher's style guide. Oversight. Editor's whim. Who knows?
There is no hard-and-fast rule.
I assume you know that commercial copy is always checked many times before it's published.
I assume you know that when you adopt this patronising tone it makes you look silly.
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| Commercial copy | Feb 13, 2019 |
Tom in London wrote:
Then why did the writer of the text not put a comma there? I assume you know that commercial copy is always checked many times before it's published.
This isn't a commercial copy.
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