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原書のテキスト - 英語 When my wife told me she was pregnant, I got that stomach-churning sensation that hits you on a plunging roller coaster. I was excited, yes, but... oh my God. Parenting was for, well, parents.
So here I stand, bug-eyed and sweating buckets like some poorly-drawn cartoon character, the question marks floating in the air around my head while I try to prepare myself for the complete care and responsibility of another living being besides my cat. I'm responsible for making sure this little human doesn't grow up and turn into a complete monster. If the child turns out a social moron-- my fault. If the babe can't find Luxembourg on the map, blame me for not providing a better education. They'll need therapy, and of course that will be on my head too. So many opportunities for wrong turns!
I remember the day my father sat me down and awkwardly told me about the birds and the bees; it was perhaps the most excruciating and embarrassing half hour of both our lives. I can't do that to another human being.
Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. I can do this, I say; I'll be a great father. My child will be reared a well-rounded, educated, upstanding citizen of the world, and he or she won't hate me.
And then I imagine the baby, still safe within the confines of my wife's belly, suddenly opening an alarmed eye as the thought enters his or her mind: "What if my dad just can't hack it?
翻訳 - イタリア語 Quando mia moglie mi disse di essere incinta, provai quella sensazione di torcibudella che ti prende sulle montagne russe. Ero felice, certo, ma...oddio. Fare il genitore è un mestiere, beh, da genitori!
Così eccomi qui, con gli occhi sgranati ed ettolitri di sudore che scendono giù come un personaggio dei cartoni disegnato male, con punti di domanda che mi volteggiano sul capo mentre provo a prepararmi al fatto che dovrò prendermi completamente cura di un altro essere vivente oltre al mio gatto. Sarò responsabile che questa creatura non si trasformi in un mostro. Se il bambino diventa un ritardato, è colpa mia. Se il piccolo non riesce a trovare il Lussemburgo sulla cartina, colpa mia per non avergli fornito un'istruzione adeguata. Avrà bisogno dello psicologo, e ovviamente anche questo peserà su di me. Davvero troppe le possibilità di fare le scelte sbagliate!
Ricordo il giorno in cui mio padre mi fece sedere e, imbarazzato, mi raccontò di farfalle e fiorellini: è stata forse la mezz'ora di supplizio più imbarazzante della nostra vita. Non posso fare questo a un altro essere umano.
Ma forse sto correndo un po' troppo. Ce la posso fare, mi dico, sì: sarò un padre fantastico. Educherò il mio bambino a essere un sano, colto, onesto cittadino del mondo, e non mi odierà.
E allora immagino il piccolo, ancora al sicuro nella pancia di mia moglie, che all'improvviso apre un occhio, allarmato, non appena un pensiero gli sfiora la mente: "E se papà non dovesse farcela?"
Qualified member of the Italian Association of Translators and Interpreters (AITI) | Mentorship Manager at Women in Localization Italy Chapter
EN-JA>IT professional translator and localizer with 17+ years of experience in making software and apps available to the Italian market. Passionate about languages, cultures and all things international.
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